A Letter


All I wanted to do
Was turn on a light in the darkness.
And you extinguished it.
You got mad because
I turned on a light
You attacked me personally
Because I turned on a light
In the darkness.

Whenever I defend my light
It’s a problem
I’m shut down,
Things are thrown back in my face
Things I never did, things I can’t do
You use your ability to function against me
And make me feel like I’m insane,
Warped, twisted, illogical
Babbling like a fool.
According to you, I’m selfish for not being able to function like you.
According to you,  nothing I do is even remotely correct.
So I doubt myself and my own intentions.

You can insult me and forget, I can’t.
You forget what you say, but you sure do remember my short comings.
You fall asleep easily while I cry in the darkness.

And you wonder why I have trust issues.

Always invalidating me, calling me crazy, in need of therapy, just because I’m defending myself from your disrespect?
Why am I supposed to let people treat me like I’m nothing?
Why am I supposed to trust someone who supposedly “has my good intentions at heart”, yet always tells me that my mind is warped,  and anything I say invalid?

Right now, you’d be reading this and you’re already figuring out how you can dismiss it.
You won’t listen.
You have no idea how my mind works, and I’m hesitant to open up to people I no longer trust with my thoughts and emotions.
They aren’t precious to you, obviously. I’m not even going to argue anymore, I’m just going to sit here and take whatever meanness anyone has to take out on me.
I’ll continue to let you call me self centered, lazy, trifling,  jobless, crazy, twisted and illogical.
I understand why you’d get frustrated with me.
After all, I don’t contribute any positivity to the household.

I’m just a cloud that no one wants to be under.

I prayed to God to end my life yesterday night, in the darkness.
My soul is tender and raw to the point where I can’t take it anymore.
I’m sorry for not being enough, doing enough.
I’m sorry for turning on the light.

“America’s Greatest TV Dad” vs The King of Pop


BillRecently, I’ve seen people comparing the late Michael Jackson to the likes of Bill Cosby. You’re probably asking “what do these two have in common?” Well, they were both beloved by America until allegations of abuse surfaced. For Cosby, this has been going on for decades. For Michael Jackson, this happened 10 years ago, in which he was tried and exonerated of all 14 charges with a unanimous jury decision. Also, there are only 2 people who accused Michael Jackson of molesting them. What is confusing to me is, why people are comparing a case in which one man was exonerated and proven to be innocent of these charges (where each accuser was discovered to have created false allegations for money), and the other, a self admitted predator who has evaded the spotlight when it comes to the allegations of having drugged and raped at least 40 women. I went on a “rant” about this days ago (as you can imagine, I was slightly pissed-imagine hearing the same lies and false facts about the Jackson cases for years on end and having to correct people whenever you mention him as your inspiration):

I want to examine the parallels between Michael Jackson and Bill Cosby for a moment. Let’s go back to what I said earlier about how they were both nationally loved and adored. I grew up watching Bill Cosby and listening to Michael Jackson (some what). At some point in my life I matured and learned to see famous people as regular people with extraordinary, otherworldly talents (and I’m only talking about MJ here when I say other worldly). America very much valued Bill Cosby, even as allegations have come out throughout the years. We still upheld him even if he talked down to the Black Community and saw us as just charity and a way to boost his ego ( I’m glad America is waking up and realizing that Cosby is not their TV Dad). Meanwhile, when Michael Jackson revealed that he had the skin disease vitiligo, and stopped using the darker makeup to hide the splotches, America turned a 180. Gossips sites started labeling him as something foreign, and the black community all but disowned him. People suddenly forgot that he was black, but he never forgot. While Bill Cosby was reprimanding and degrading the black youth to pull up their pants to be respected, Michael Jackson was educating black youth on how to be carefree, black, and powerful. A lot of people ignored his real messages because of his skin tone, and the White Media made sure to white wash his lyrics so that no one would realize that he was building the black community up. TDCAUMichael Jackson taught us about representation, about the importance of being who you are. He taught us that men can be expressive and unbelievably strong, that you can wear whatever you want and be whatever you desire to be. He taught us the significance of knowing our history. For the black community to expel one of our biggest champions and accept the lies fabricated against him in a heartbeat, yet continue to support the coonery (excuse my language) that is Bill Cosby while over looking his crimes is inexcusable. Bill Cosby is not Cliff Huxtable, but Michael Jackson is Michael Jackson. Mike didn’t play a character, he was open and vulnerable to the point of being crucified for it. Do not ever do him the injustice to compare a highly intelligent, sensitive being to the likes of a monster again. He deserves more credit than society gives him.

UPDATE (author’s note): I’d like to link anyone to this article that thinks that marrying into another race and having mixed children means that you hate your race. Ignorance and anti blackness will not be tolerated on this blog. Just because you have limited views on the diversity of blackness does not mean that what you state about Mike’s children is true. They know who they are, however you do not. Here’s another article if you refuse to believe Mike loved his race.

And another.

And another.

6 Years An Angel


Michael, as pure and innocent as a dove
Forever sleeping in eternal love
Sleep, my King
Dream uninhibited
Frolic and play
Have joy unlimited
No form of malice,
Nor sadness
Nor stormy weather
Nor cloud, nor rain
Shall again cause you pain
Sweet champion of the people
Your legacy is unequaled
We will hear your laughter again.

My Take on Rachel Dolezal


In light of the Rachel Dolezal situation, it seems as if people make it a habit to bring Michael Jackson into things that are not necessarily related to him. He is often used as a prop in order to further someone else’s bigoted point of view. Let’s be honest; the people saying that Michael Jackson was “trans-racial” (which there is absolutely no such thing) are not only ignorant and anti-black, but they are making excuses for a woman who posed as a black person to become a leader of the NAACP in Spokane, Washington. Not to mention, these people who are bringing MJ into this don’t actually care about him or his struggles as a black man who could not help the fact that he had skin diseases. There is no similarity that Michael Jackson and Rachel Dolezal have in common. None. Michael Jackson was constantly reminded of his race, and he was insanely pro-black. don’t believe me? Do a little research, it won’t hurt you. Rachel Dolezal is a disgusting fraud who used her white privilege to reach a position in a supposed “safe space” for Black people.

Michael Jackson was repeatedly vilified in the media because of his race. He was targeted for his acquisition of the Beatles catalog and every popular white artist’s songs that were on that catalog (Elvis for example). He constantly called out the wrong doings of whites who appropriated the “black sound” and our culture in order to make it popular. The racist media then chose to fixate on his changing appearance (which was due to the effects of Lupus, and Vitiligo). They attacked him for daring to be a nurturing man, for wearing makeup and having long hair. They attacked him for respecting children and trying to give them the childhood he never had. Instead of respecting his choices, the media were quick to label his vitiligo as “The Michael Jackson disease”, and also made a huge effort to discredit research for the condition. Not much was known about the disease in the 80s and 90s. However, Michael was not the first black person to have this disease, it only became well-known because of his celebrity.

He had to constantly defend his blackness, and that truly is a shame. The media had a hand in altering people’s perceptions about his message as an artist, a message which remained the same throughout his entire life. People were just too blinded by their negative perceptions of him to see that he truly loved being black and cared about the well-being of his community. Listen to his songs again and really understand the lyrics. He made speeches about how he experienced racism at the hands of police (and also a racist promotion company). Listen to this legend. His message is ever present and has nothing to do with the color of his skin. Do not compare his struggles to Rachel Dolezal. Dolezal has never struggled because of her race, Michael did. He was told he didn’t want to be who he was, and he’s not the only black person with vitiligo to receive those “you don’t want to be black” comments. That is damaging to people who suffer from the disease. You’re invalidating someone’s struggle all because they don’t fit your definition of blackness. Being black is more than how one feels, it’s were you came from, it is biology and physical traits along with a culture. No one can change their race. When you say that Michael Jackson wanted to be white and deny his vitiligo, you in effect call every other black person with the skin condition, a liar. He was born black and he died black. Vitligo does not change your race.

Michael deserves a long awaited apology from society for what was done to him for daring to be the most powerful black celebrity in the world. He is gone, let him rest in peace and uphold his legacy. Don’t you think his name has been dragged through the mud enough? Black people deserve an apology from Rachel Dolezal, and society in general. I am very tired of seeing our struggle commodified for the amusement of society. Rachel Dolezal, you are not one of us, and we are not your costume.

Did Michael Jackson Pay Families Off?


“It is GENERAL practice for an insurer to be entitled to control settlement negotiations..” “The insured is EXCLUDED from any interference in any negotiation for settlement or other legal proceedings..” “The INSURED (Michael Jackson) may NOT interfere with nor PREVENT such settlements.”

“It is UNFAIR for an insurance company’s settlement to be now held against Mr. Jackson…”
“Mr. Jackson could NOT interfere with his insurance carrier’s demand to settle the dispute.”

“Michael Jackson had no choice in the matter”. READ the fine print.

Court evidence and testimony speak for themselves. Do you want to know why MJ was accused of paying people off? Why families went to a civil settlement before a criminal one? It’s because the families who accused him knew that his insurance company would have to pay them for supposed “negligence”. They were after money. The Santa Barbara police department BULLIED kids into saying they had been molested. It’s DOCUMENTED. That is ILLEGAL. Tom Sneddon was head Prosecutor for this case. He encouraged his department to harass Michael Jackson and plant evidence. That is ILLEGAL. The families knew Michael Jackson could not interfere in the settlement negotiations, and once they got their money they did not pursue a CRIMINAL investigation.

A snippet of a video recording of Evan Chandler (the father of Jordan Chandler) planning to extort Michael Jackson. The full video is not available for copyright reasons,  however the full transcript for it is available here.

Evidence that Tom Sneddon planted evidence in the short video above and here.

Racism in the Michael Jackson Fanbase: You “Stan” a BLACK Man!



It’s very confusing -and disheartening- to know that there are some fans who are racist and insensitive towards the plight of Black Americans. In light of the Black Lives Matter movement, I see that a lot of fans have shown their true colors. Some white fans have gone on to complain about black fans talking about what their ancestors did, blatantly displaying their “white guilt”, and acting as if we were trying to make them feel bad for what their ancestors did. Well, to be frank, white people are not responsible for what their ancestors did (unless you are in fact racist). HOWEVER, African Americans did not create this system, so you cannot expect us to vanquish systematic racism by ourselves. We have to live with the effects of what your ancestors did every day, so excuse me if I don’t feel sympathetic towards your feelings being hurt just because I talk about racism and the history of your ancestors that affect me and my people to this day. Blacks and Whites just integrated only fifty years ago. Fifty years. not one thousand, or two thousand. Fifty. Just because it makes you uncomfortable to talk about doesn’t mean we have to stop talking about it. How can you call yourself a fan of a conscious black man and then turn around and make racist/silencing statements? Let me give you some examples:

Whether you like it or not, Michael Jackson made an effort to educate people about systematic racism and white privilege. He spoke about it in his videos. He read books about real Black history and even sought out his African roots. He didn’t just sing about healing the world or repairing the earth. His music has a deeper message, especially songs like They Don’t Care About Us. in the prison version, he highlighted how the incarceration of black males is a business, and in the Rio de Janeiro version, he highlighted how the government refused to give disadvantaged people of color resources, their living  conditions.  I think it’s very interesting how he made it a point to show his vitiligo (He would usually cover himself in makeup, so that took a lot of courage) in the TDCAU short film, as if to say “I may have changed but I’m still Black, I’m still aware.” There is a deeper message. In Remember the Time and other short films, he made it a point to accurately portray ancient Egyptians.  For a fan to claim that Egypt is not in Africa, and that Egyptians were not black shows ignorance. He did his research.


Michael being crowned “King Sani” in 1992

There are so many things to talk about when it comes to racism in the fan base. I’ve seen many hurtful things said by non black fans, such as saying that blacks make themselves out to be the victim, or depend on handouts. Or that we’re responsible for our own oppression. I’ve even seen some fans saying that there were once white slaves, as if they were oppressed on the same level as black slaves. Ridiculous! It’s also dismissive and deviates from the subject. Do not talk about something else when someone is speaking of something historical that makes you uneasy. Also, do not claim to care about black lives and then turn around and center the movement around yourself as a white person. You do not understand oppression, so don’t even try to add your opinion or suggestions of what Blacks should do. You should be more concerned about calling out white people who are actually racist, rather than crying about being generalized. Hash tags like #WhiteLivesMatter and #WhiteAppreciationDay are racist, inappropriate and silencing. For you to even use those hashtags proves you only care about yourself, because they are a direct response to #BlackOutDay and #BlackLivesMatter . Every white person has white privilege. That doesn’t mean your life is perfect, but society stands to benefit you because of your race, just like it stands to oppress me. Step out of your bubble. Your fave was a black man, pre and post-vitiligo. It didn’t suddenly change his race or his awareness of what his people went through. Yes, he highlighted the suffering of other races as well, but he also made it a point to focus on his people. He also exposed how the entertainment industry in general was very racist, especially the SONY promotion company. It was revealed in the SONY hack that even today they have racist employees. MJ knew that the black sound and dance was stolen and appropriated. He knew that Black artists had their music stolen from them from racist promotion companies. That is part of the reason why he bought the rights to that music and returned them to their rightful artists. So, tell me how MJ wasn’t pro-black again?


Pain Inside.

Pain Inside

Pain Inside. Acrylic. (c) 2015 Do not use without permission.

The head and heart are connected. What affects my head also affects my heart and therefore my emotional and physical well-being, and vice versa. I often feel isolated from others because it feels like no one will understand. Hoping others can relate!